Buying Gifts for Each Other With Shared Money: 5 Ways + Chart

Pick by your situation

• Want a real surprise, and have your own account: buy from your own money.
• Everything is joint, but surprises matter: a gift allowance each.
• Want it fair when one earns more: a shared gift fund with a cap.
• Would rather not shop for each other at all: one joint present.
• Have too much stuff already: an experience.

The chart: five ways side by side

The example couple

Say one of you takes home $5,200 a month and the other $3,400. That is $8,600 together, so the shares are 60.5% and 39.5%. The same math is on the page about splitting bills by income. All numbers here are made up, and they are only arithmetic. For gifts, say you agree on $300 for each other at Christmas and $100 for each birthday: $300 + $100 + $100 = $500 a year each way, or $1,000 for the two of you.

Buy from your own money

Own. Best for: couples who keep separate or mostly separate accounts.

Each of you buys the other's gifts from a personal account. Nobody pays for their own present, and the charge is not on a joint statement. On our couple, $500 a year each is about 9.6% of one month of the higher take-home ($500 / $5,200) and 14.7% of the other ($500 / $3,400). The same dollars weigh more on the lower pay, which is worth saying out loud. If that feels uneven, a cap by income is one fix: 60.5% and 39.5% of $1,000 is $605 and $395. Whether your partner can see a personal account is up to you. See the page on what a partner can see in a couples app.

A gift allowance each

Allowance. Best for: couples whose pay lands in one joint account.

Move a fixed amount to each person's own account for gifts. The move shows. What you spend it on does not, if the other account is private. Say $500 a year each. That is $1,000 for the two of you, or about $83 a month leaving the joint account ($1,000 / 12). Put it on a calendar so it is not a surprise to the budget. The page on yours, mine and ours money shows how a joint account with personal allowances works.

A shared gift fund with a cap

Fund. Best for: couples who want gifts to cost each person a fair share of their pay.

You keep a pot for gifts and both pay into it. Each person has a cap, so no one overspends. On $1,000 a year for the two of you, funding by income is $605 from the higher earner and $395 from the other. Equal funding is $500 and $500. Each of you spends up to $500 of it on the other. The fund shows, so the surprise is the item, not the cost. This is a sinking fund: see sinking funds for couples for how to save for it a month at a time.

One joint present

Joint. Best for: big gifts and couples who do not need a surprise.

Instead of two gifts, buy one for both, such as a piece of furniture. Pay from the joint account or split it. A $1,000 gift by income is $605 and $395. Nobody pays for their own present, because it is for both of you. The cost is the surprise.

An experience

Experience. Best for: couples with enough stuff.

Swap objects for a dinner, a weekend or tickets. You can pay from any of the sources above. A $200 dinner with $100 from each personal account means each person has given $100 and each person has a night out. There is no cost to the surprise if you agree on the budget and keep the details to yourself.

Christmas and birthdays

Christmas is a big number once a year, so a gift fund or a monthly allowance spreads it out. Birthdays are small and spaced out, so a personal account usually covers them. Agree on the number before the season.

Seeing each other's spending

In Wonderful, each of you connects your own bank and chooses, account by account, whether the other sees everything, only totals, or nothing. That is a choice about an account, not a single charge, so it fits a personal account used for gifts.

Is it a gift for tax?

This is not tax advice. The IRS says gifts to your spouse are generally not taxable, because they are eligible for the marital deduction. Its page does not cover joint bank accounts, so check with a tax professional for anything large, or if you are not married.

When Wonderful is the wrong pick

Wonderful is built for couples who keep their own money, and for one person. It is not free after a free week or a $1 first month: $14.99 a month or $99 a year for the household, and it runs in the browser with no phone app yet. If you are fully merged and see every charge, an app to choose what your partner sees may not matter. To try the math first, use the fair split calculator, and for the account setups see the joint account page.